A/N: Here’s a new chapter of Random Stories. I still will take requests on a new pairing for each chapter. Warning: Extreme sarcasm, OOC, and randomness are in this chapter. Prideshipping, and a female Yami. Enjoy.
It all started when our uber geek, Seto, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly concerned, Seto groped a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Absolutely thrilled, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his undeclared soulmate, Yami. Seto had known Yami for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Yami was unique. She was attractive though sometimes a little… annoying. Seto called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Yami picked up to a very angry Seto. Yami calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras shudder before mating, yet legless puppies usually surreptitiously sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Seto. Why was Yami trying to distract Seto? Because she had snuck out from Seto’s with the diary only four days prior. It was a saucy little diary… how could she resist?
It didn’t take long before Seto got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Yami sighed. Relunctantly, Yami invited him over, assuring him they’d find the diary. Seto grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Yami realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the diary and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if Seto took the curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala), she had take at least four minutes before Seto would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Yami would be scarcely screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Yami was interrupted by five pestering dogs that were lured by her diary. Yami grimaced; ‘Not again’, she thought. Feeling exasperated, she aimlessly reached for her dull pencil and aimlessly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent-the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That’s when she heard the time machine rolling up. It was Seto.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald’s to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Seto was out of the time machine and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Yami’s front door. Meanwhile inside, Yami was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the diary into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind her elephant. Yami was displeased but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
‘Come in,’ Yami scandalously purred. With a heroic push, Seto opened the door. ‘Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless social outcast in a pimp fresh, candy-painted ‘Lac,’ he lied. ‘It’s fine,’ Yami assured him. Seto took a seat just perfectly far from where Yami had hidden the diary. Yami turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. ‘Uhh, can I get you anything?’ she blurted. But Seto was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Yami noticed a insensitive look on Seto’s face. Seto slowly opened his mouth to speak.
‘…What’s that smell?’
Yami felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Seto asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the diary right by her oscillating fan. ‘Wh-what? I don’t smell anything..!’ A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Seto’s face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. ‘Th-th-those are just my grandma’s ninja stars from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh…dropped ’em by here earlier’. Seto nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Yami could react, Seto aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
Seto stared at Yami for what what must’ve been five millseconds. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Yami groped surreptitiously in Seto’s direction, clearly desperate. Seto grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Yami let out a sassy chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Seto,’ she rebuked. Yami always had been a little annoying, so Seto knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Yami did something crazy, like… start chucking ninja stars at her or something. A few freaknasty minutes later, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Yami looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.’ Silence from Seto. ‘And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago…it never ends!’ Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Seto. ‘Oh. You ..okay?’ Still silence. Yami walked over to the window and looked down. Seto was gone.
Just yonder, Seto was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Yami’s place. Seto had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral dogs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Seto. Already weakened from his injury, Seto yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of dogs running off with his diary.
But then God came down with His smart smile and restored Seto’s diary. Feeling relieved, God smote the dogs for their injustice. Then He got in His pimp fresh, candy-painted ‘Lac and jetted away with the fortitude of half a million venomous koalas running from a bloated pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Seto skipped with joy when he saw this.
His diary was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by ‘When South American hissing sloths meet bloody glove’). Seto was pleased. And so, everyone except Yami and a few ebola-toting Indonesian devil cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.
A/N: And so this chapter ends. Chapter 3 will be up shortly. Review please. But be nice.